I decided to try on a pair of my pre-pregnancy jeans again today and lo and behold they almost fit! I can zip and button some pairs, but I think it will still be a couple weeks until I can actually wear them. Some pairs I might even be able to wear next week! When I first tried on a pair of jeans I could hardly get them over my hips. You don't realize how much your hips spread out during pregnancy and childbirth until you have tried to put on a pair of jeans that used to fit.
I still have a little weight that I want to lose, I think I have between 10 and 15lbs to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight which is pretty damn good. I lost the bulk of the weight in the first few weeks, now is the rest of it that's the hard part. I think I am going to start doing some kind of exercise. I will probably slather on the sunscreen and put on my sun hat and walk when it's not super hot out (and the UV index is less than 10). I already carry Elijah around all day and he's 15lbs, so I am definitely getting some exercise!
All I know that I am excited to wear my jeans again and I will be able to just in time for the cooler weather in October/November.
Yesterday was really tiring. Elijah didn't take a nap at all, and I don't count laying there with your eyes closed for 5 minutes a nap. I finally got him to sleep at around 9:30ish and Jason went in once to get him to go back to sleep. All was well until very early this morning, I don't know what time because I didn't look but it was still dark out. He woke up crying and it took a bit to get him back to sleep, then once he was asleep he was pretty fussy until 8 or 9ish, then I finally got up and got him and myself dressed so we could go to our meeting. When we got home this afternoon I was able to get him down for a nap and he's still sleeping, so hopefully yesterday was just an off day!
Showing posts with label fussy baby. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fussy baby. Show all posts
9.10.2009
7.31.2009
Oh, good morning.
I feel well rested yet extremely tired. How can that even be possible? Last night I finally managed the side nursing and was able to sleep through (for the most part) Elijah's night nursings. I put him on one boob and then fell back asleep and woke up when it was time to switch him to the other side a couple hours later. I bet he was like "awesome! I am just gonna suck until she pulls me off!"
Finally at around 6:30am he got a little fussy. He was acting hungry but spitting up and then getting even more fussy when I would try to nurse him again, so I finally swaddled him and rubbed his chest until he got quiet. He's finally asleep, but now I am awake. I feel like I should try to go back to sleep, but I am feeling a little hungry. I should probably take this opportunity to eat because I might not get one again today, for anything other than quick snacks anyway.
Babies are a lot of work. You know they are a lot of work before you have one, but you don't quite realize how much until you do have one. It doesn't matter if I am tired, hungry, or have to pee anymore. Baby comes first.
People tell you to nap when baby naps. Well, that's almost impossible sometimes. I am able to do it at times, but seriously, when your baby goes to sleep you finally have some time to yourself so if you aren't dead tired then you will probably take that time for you. I know that when Elijah is asleep I use the time to make myself something to eat. Once I even managed to jump in the shower quickly. Little stuff like that suddenly becomes a luxury when you have a newborn, so sleeping when babies sleep isn't entirely possible.
Now on the cancer note. I had my appointment with my oncologist on Wed. He basically told me that my treatment options were suck and suck even more. I have to have a PET scan, so we're waiting on insurance approval which takes a week or two. Once approval comes in I will have the scan (I won't be able to breastfeed for 8 hours because of radiation, but 8 hours isn't that bad and we can unfreeze some breastmilk and use the bottle, which we tried the other day to make sure he would take. He does and there's no nipple confusion, which is good). My treatment options depend on what the scan shows. If the scan comes back showing the cancer is somewhere else in my body then I could go to Dallas for a melanoma vaccine study as treatment. This sucks because I am not sure I want to do a vaccine clinical study, although it's already established it's still a study. Also, it's Dallas. It's not that close. It's not really an option if I need to go there all the time or for long stretches of time because I need o be near Elijah and I am pretty sure I would need someone there to take care of him will I was doing treatment stuff, and Jason has to work. Another also is that I can only do this study if the scan comes back with visible cancer which I clearly do not want.
There's another study I can do if there is no visible cancer, but it's in Virginia. That's really not an option.
So that leaves us with option #3, if there's no visible cancer then I will do the interferon drug treatment. This treament lasts a year. The first 4 weeks I would have to go in 4 days in a row per week to get a high dosage injection. After those 16 visits I would be able to inject myself at home every 3 days. The thing that sucks about this treatment is that the side effects are feeling like you have the flu, fever, and nausea. Great, so I will feel like shit for a year.
So no mater which way the cookie crumbles, this shit sucks.
P.S. How do I have a baby that is almost 4 weeks old? Time is moving too fast!
Finally at around 6:30am he got a little fussy. He was acting hungry but spitting up and then getting even more fussy when I would try to nurse him again, so I finally swaddled him and rubbed his chest until he got quiet. He's finally asleep, but now I am awake. I feel like I should try to go back to sleep, but I am feeling a little hungry. I should probably take this opportunity to eat because I might not get one again today, for anything other than quick snacks anyway.
Babies are a lot of work. You know they are a lot of work before you have one, but you don't quite realize how much until you do have one. It doesn't matter if I am tired, hungry, or have to pee anymore. Baby comes first.
People tell you to nap when baby naps. Well, that's almost impossible sometimes. I am able to do it at times, but seriously, when your baby goes to sleep you finally have some time to yourself so if you aren't dead tired then you will probably take that time for you. I know that when Elijah is asleep I use the time to make myself something to eat. Once I even managed to jump in the shower quickly. Little stuff like that suddenly becomes a luxury when you have a newborn, so sleeping when babies sleep isn't entirely possible.
Now on the cancer note. I had my appointment with my oncologist on Wed. He basically told me that my treatment options were suck and suck even more. I have to have a PET scan, so we're waiting on insurance approval which takes a week or two. Once approval comes in I will have the scan (I won't be able to breastfeed for 8 hours because of radiation, but 8 hours isn't that bad and we can unfreeze some breastmilk and use the bottle, which we tried the other day to make sure he would take. He does and there's no nipple confusion, which is good). My treatment options depend on what the scan shows. If the scan comes back showing the cancer is somewhere else in my body then I could go to Dallas for a melanoma vaccine study as treatment. This sucks because I am not sure I want to do a vaccine clinical study, although it's already established it's still a study. Also, it's Dallas. It's not that close. It's not really an option if I need to go there all the time or for long stretches of time because I need o be near Elijah and I am pretty sure I would need someone there to take care of him will I was doing treatment stuff, and Jason has to work. Another also is that I can only do this study if the scan comes back with visible cancer which I clearly do not want.
There's another study I can do if there is no visible cancer, but it's in Virginia. That's really not an option.
So that leaves us with option #3, if there's no visible cancer then I will do the interferon drug treatment. This treament lasts a year. The first 4 weeks I would have to go in 4 days in a row per week to get a high dosage injection. After those 16 visits I would be able to inject myself at home every 3 days. The thing that sucks about this treatment is that the side effects are feeling like you have the flu, fever, and nausea. Great, so I will feel like shit for a year.
So no mater which way the cookie crumbles, this shit sucks.
P.S. How do I have a baby that is almost 4 weeks old? Time is moving too fast!
7.27.2009
Cancer is a 4-letter word and sleepless nights (and days).
Just about everyone in my family has had (or has) cancer. My grandmother had colon cancer 40 years ago. My grandfather had prostate cancer just this year. When I was younger I used to "joke" saying that I would probably die from cancer or that I would probably get cancer in a few years. Little did I know I would be at least half right. Cancer has never been funny, I never thought it was funny, I have always thought that it was the scariest thing ever, but had I known exactly how scary it would be I would have never joked about how I would probably get it.
When I was first told that I had melanoma I was confused, scared, nervous, and angry. Whenever I thought of CANCER I had always thought about breast cancer, ovarian cancer, prostate cancer, leukemia. I had never really thought about skin cancer. Your skin is the largest organ that you have. It protects all of your other organs. You can't live without your skin. Not only that but my skin has been my canvas. I am almost scared to get any more tattoos now.
I feel like everyone knows someone who has had melanoma. Generally all of those people had the area of skin removed and were fine, that was it, so in a way I feel like a lot of people don't realize how serious or aggressive the cancer can be. I know people were just trying to make me feel better, but I feel like a lot of my fears got dismissed at first and I was told that I would be fine because so and so knew someone who had it and they were fine and they didn't need surgery, etc. I tried to remain positive, I told myself everything would be fine and that it was localized just to my chest and once I got the margin area removed then it would be fine. Too many people have had it and been fine, so why would I be one of the people that it had spread on? Not me. My life has been too hard for me to have to deal with something like that NOW.
So I finally had Elijah, and I finally scheduled my surgery. The surgery was a lot more invasive and intense then I was imagining. I think that a lot of people were surprised at how severe it was. I don't think anyone was expecting something of this stature.
I kept telling myself my lymph nodes would come back fine. I mean, almost everyone else who has had this has been fine, so I HAVE to be fine, right? Unfortunately cancer doesn't care how hard your life has been, or if the timing is "right" (can there even be a right time for cancer? no) or not. The pathology reports came back and there was indeed cancer, albeit a small amount, in one of my lymph nodes. Small amount or not, it was there, and that's enough to be classified as a stage 3, and enough to have to go through scans and treatment.
Cancer is cancer. I have cancer. I am back at the stage where I don't have any answers. This is the worst stage to be at because not only do I not know the extent of it, but I don't know what's next. It could be localized, or I could have it somewhere else. I might need to do an interferon drug treatment, or I might need to do chemo. I don't know, there are no answers yet. The only thing that I have an answer to is whether or not cancer is scary. The answer to that is yes, it's the scariest thing I have ever been through, and I have been through some scary shit.
As much as I used to say that I would get cancer at some point in my life, I didn't believe it would actually happen to me. No one thinks it will happen to them, but it does happen, and it happens to a lot of people. Cancer does not care how old you are or how healthy you are. It doesn't care what color you are or where you live, how much money or how poor, whether you have health insurance or not. Cancer just does not care.
This whole experience has shown me that there are people who really care though, and that's a beautiful and wonderful thing. People that I hardly know have offered help, brought us food, offered rides. I can't express enough appreciation. It's made everything so much easier for Jason and I. Adjusting to a newborn is hard enough without throwing cancer into the mix.
It's taken me well over an hour and a half to write this entry so far. I have a 3 week old infant who has suddenly become fussy this past week. He went from being a sleepy infant to an extremely awake infant. It's hard, it's really hard. I have cried a few times from pure frustration. I am only frustrated when he cries and I can't figure out why. Is he hungry? Seemingly yes, he's always hungry, but sometimes when I nurse him he gets super fussy and pushes me away, but screams because he is hungry but isn't eating yet, but he's pushing me away! What do I do in this situation!? I keep trying until he latches on, but then rinse and repeat. It doesn't happen all the time, but it happens enough that it has me completely exhausted. There's nothing wrong with our nursing, he latches great, my breasts have milk, he's getting fed, he's just FUSSY.
He's had gas lately. I am sure that's uncomfortable and I am sure that's making him fussy sometimes. But what do I do!? I got some gripe water and tried giving that to him but he spit up after. That's another issue, he's been spitting up a lot.
It's just a lot. I know that it won't be like this forever, but it's like this now, and I am tired. Jason has to work so he can't get up all night to change diapers, and he can't feed Elijah anyway. He does pretty good at night, but then 6am rolls around and like clockwork the fussiness starts.
It will get better, but this parenting thing is hard. The one misconception I had was that it would just come naturally. A lot of it does, but it's a huge learning process and you need to work to get it right.
When I was first told that I had melanoma I was confused, scared, nervous, and angry. Whenever I thought of CANCER I had always thought about breast cancer, ovarian cancer, prostate cancer, leukemia. I had never really thought about skin cancer. Your skin is the largest organ that you have. It protects all of your other organs. You can't live without your skin. Not only that but my skin has been my canvas. I am almost scared to get any more tattoos now.
I feel like everyone knows someone who has had melanoma. Generally all of those people had the area of skin removed and were fine, that was it, so in a way I feel like a lot of people don't realize how serious or aggressive the cancer can be. I know people were just trying to make me feel better, but I feel like a lot of my fears got dismissed at first and I was told that I would be fine because so and so knew someone who had it and they were fine and they didn't need surgery, etc. I tried to remain positive, I told myself everything would be fine and that it was localized just to my chest and once I got the margin area removed then it would be fine. Too many people have had it and been fine, so why would I be one of the people that it had spread on? Not me. My life has been too hard for me to have to deal with something like that NOW.
So I finally had Elijah, and I finally scheduled my surgery. The surgery was a lot more invasive and intense then I was imagining. I think that a lot of people were surprised at how severe it was. I don't think anyone was expecting something of this stature.
I kept telling myself my lymph nodes would come back fine. I mean, almost everyone else who has had this has been fine, so I HAVE to be fine, right? Unfortunately cancer doesn't care how hard your life has been, or if the timing is "right" (can there even be a right time for cancer? no) or not. The pathology reports came back and there was indeed cancer, albeit a small amount, in one of my lymph nodes. Small amount or not, it was there, and that's enough to be classified as a stage 3, and enough to have to go through scans and treatment.
Cancer is cancer. I have cancer. I am back at the stage where I don't have any answers. This is the worst stage to be at because not only do I not know the extent of it, but I don't know what's next. It could be localized, or I could have it somewhere else. I might need to do an interferon drug treatment, or I might need to do chemo. I don't know, there are no answers yet. The only thing that I have an answer to is whether or not cancer is scary. The answer to that is yes, it's the scariest thing I have ever been through, and I have been through some scary shit.
As much as I used to say that I would get cancer at some point in my life, I didn't believe it would actually happen to me. No one thinks it will happen to them, but it does happen, and it happens to a lot of people. Cancer does not care how old you are or how healthy you are. It doesn't care what color you are or where you live, how much money or how poor, whether you have health insurance or not. Cancer just does not care.
This whole experience has shown me that there are people who really care though, and that's a beautiful and wonderful thing. People that I hardly know have offered help, brought us food, offered rides. I can't express enough appreciation. It's made everything so much easier for Jason and I. Adjusting to a newborn is hard enough without throwing cancer into the mix.
It's taken me well over an hour and a half to write this entry so far. I have a 3 week old infant who has suddenly become fussy this past week. He went from being a sleepy infant to an extremely awake infant. It's hard, it's really hard. I have cried a few times from pure frustration. I am only frustrated when he cries and I can't figure out why. Is he hungry? Seemingly yes, he's always hungry, but sometimes when I nurse him he gets super fussy and pushes me away, but screams because he is hungry but isn't eating yet, but he's pushing me away! What do I do in this situation!? I keep trying until he latches on, but then rinse and repeat. It doesn't happen all the time, but it happens enough that it has me completely exhausted. There's nothing wrong with our nursing, he latches great, my breasts have milk, he's getting fed, he's just FUSSY.
He's had gas lately. I am sure that's uncomfortable and I am sure that's making him fussy sometimes. But what do I do!? I got some gripe water and tried giving that to him but he spit up after. That's another issue, he's been spitting up a lot.
It's just a lot. I know that it won't be like this forever, but it's like this now, and I am tired. Jason has to work so he can't get up all night to change diapers, and he can't feed Elijah anyway. He does pretty good at night, but then 6am rolls around and like clockwork the fussiness starts.
It will get better, but this parenting thing is hard. The one misconception I had was that it would just come naturally. A lot of it does, but it's a huge learning process and you need to work to get it right.
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