5.20.2009

Totally freaked out

So, I have a mole on my chest, in the middle of my tattoo. It's always been there, but it's been changing for the past several months. It started changing before pregnancy I believe, and it's changed even more since. So I am sure pregnancy has something to do with it changing, but I also think that that's not the only reason it's changing. Regardless, it is following the ABCDE's of cancerous moles. A. Asymmetry: one half unlike the other half. B. Border Irregularity: irregular, scalloped, poorly defined. C. Color: varied from one area to another, shades of tan and brown, black; Sometimes white, red or blue. D. Diameter: greater than 6mm, but can be smaller. E. Evolving: looks different from the rest or changing in size, shape, color.
Hopefully it's just a coincidence and I don't have skin cancer. I have an appointment with a dermatologist next week, just before I have a month long lapse in my health insurance. We're buying private insurance just after the baby comes. Another reason I hope to not have skin cancer, it could make buying private insurance a pain in the ass, but there are options, and I will have health insurance, so I am not too worried about that.
I kind of hope they biopsy they whole thing, but they will probably only biopsy a small part because it is large. I wonder if I can request that he remove the whole thing. If the biopsy comes back funny I will have to go back in anyway, but I will feel better about the mole just being gone. While I am there I will have him check out all my other ones, since I am paranoid and convinced I have skin cancer now. Ugh, just what I need right now!
I am so tired. So tired that I could probably sleep all day, I pretty much did the other day. I couldn't stop falling asleep on the couch.
Our baby shower is on Sunday. I'm excited, it will be fun! It's just going to be all of our friends eating food, having a drink and hanging out, so very low key and casual. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We got a box yesterday from Jason's dad, grandma, and family in Oklahoma. His grandma crocheted a really beautiful baby blanket. It's white, light green, and yellow. Baby's first blanket! Sure, I have other blankets, but the best ones are always made by grandma's, and down the road it will be a keepsake, heirloom. They also sent us some clothes, receiving blankets, toys, and a picture frame for to put a photo of baby in. It was all really nice of them!
Our last Bradley class is this week. Time flies! Well, we're making up the class that we missed on June 9th, but that doesn't count. I bet I will be the most pregnant person there at 37 weeks. Eek! With that being said, can you believe it's almost June!? That's scary, that means that pretty soon I will be having a baby. The anticipation is killing me. I am not scared about pain, or delivering a baby, but I am scared, I guess nervous would be a better word, about the start of labor. Like, will I know in the early stages of labor that that is what it is? Will my water break before labor starts or after? Will I have back labor? Am I going to be able to move!? Hopefully this pubic pain problem gets better by then, I want to be able to walk around. So those are my concerns. I am sure that once it really gets into it I will know for sure that I am in labor. I am also curious about my water. I want it to break after labor starts, not before! I can't really control these things though. I guess we will just have to wait and see!
On another note, why do people tell you how awful their experiences have been with childbirth and parenting? I mean, I am sorry, that sucks, but why are you telling me this stuff? Are you trying to make me scared? I'm not. I am pretty confident that I can parent the way that I hope to. Sure, there will be difficult times, but it's not a miserable experience! All kids are different too. Just because yours does not sleep through the night and never has does not mean mine won't. I don't think it will be a piece of cake, and I don't know what is in store for me, but I am not worried about stuff like that, we'll figure it out and find a solution that works for us. You don't have to be a miserable parent!
I want to see if I can answer 400 ChaCha questions today (yeah right). So far I am at 2, but I haven't actually sat down and just focused on that and only that. The extra money would be wonderful. I'm going to try my hardest!

4 comments:

A Baby Peach said...

If it makes you feel any better, I (finally!) had a mole removed that I've had all my life that followed all those same scary patterns as well. I got so nervous about it a couple years ago that I finally went into have it taken off and checked. It was fine. Good luck!

le petit owlet said...

Thanks!that does make me feel better! I did a lot of google searching yesterday and of course every picture of melanoma "looked like my mole". I shouldn't do stuff like that, of course I will end up freaked out. I have had this mole my entire life but only recently has it gotten weird, I also have a tattoo on my chest, so that could have affected it somehow. At this point I just want it gone! I am sure I am fine, it will definitely be good to know what's going on though

A Baby Peach said...

I totally understand how you feel :) I had to wait a couple weeks between when I finally decided to make the appointment and when it came up and I had myself convinced I had cancer. It wasn't fun! I hope your situation turns out just like mine!

Mrs. Goodson...Woo Hoo!! said...

Good Luck & I will say a prayer for you....I am sure that everything will be fine though & try not to stress about it too much; and I would suggest no more cancer websites as informative as they are I am sure that they are not helping :)

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