Whew! I feel like I've hardly been blogging aside from my reviews and giveaways. I suddenly got super, super busy so any "free" time is spent doing, well, nothing. Not only is my almost 8 month old son extremely mobile now (crawling everywhere, standing up while holding on to things and semi cruising!), but I have taken on a lot of extra stuff. I am working on a website for a farmers market in New Braunfels, sewing custom orders, sewing to keep my shop stocked, and also writing reviews. It's a lot! I don't even think I've showered in two days.
I've been having quite the anxiety attack lately. A small, painful bump formed on the back of my neck just below my head. I'm pretty sure it is a lymph node. It's gone down in size and it's not as painful as it was the other day, so I am hoping it's just allergies or a cold or something, but I can't stop thinking it's cancer. For the rest of my life a bump, blemish, sore spot, headache, or any other ache or pain is going to automatically be cancer. Cancer head. It's unavoidable and it's making me anxiety ridden. I'm going to see a psychiatrist in March to get evaluated because the Zoloft that I am on for PPD doesn't seem to be working that well anymore. It works to some degree but I really think I need something different, and something that will hopefully help with my anxiety. I hate taking medication but right now I really have no choice, it's beyond my control.
I go to MD Anderson in Houston on March 1st for a follow up with blood work and a head, neck and chest ultrasound. Hopefully everything will turn out ok, but if it doesn't at least I can go to one of the best cancer hospitals. Excuse my language, but fuck cancer.
I've been looking into Buddhist meditation centers here in Austin. At this point I need to find some kind of spiritual path and I think meditation would be good for me. If I can learn to center myself and find peace then maybe all of this won't be so difficult to deal with. What do you do to calm yourself? Do you follow any kind of religion?
I've been desperately trying to get all of my diapers clean at the same time so I can take a photo of my stash. Maybe tonight will be the night (minus two)!