Today, on the 2 year anniversary of meeting my soon to be ex, divorce papers were filed.
It's bittersweet. I've been unhappy and emotionally fragile with an unsupportive husband who puts me down and calls me names. I can't handle it. I unexpectedly got pregnant (and I am happy I did, Elijah is my entire world) which threw me into this hormonal whirlwind and apparently dredged up some crap in Jason too. This man that I once knew disappeared and was replaced with this angry person who smashes and breaks and made me feel horrible and worthless.
I've been dealing with so much. I have more than a full plate. My fridge is packed. Baby, cancer, crappy marriage.
I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I have no money, nothing. I have nowhere to go, my credit sucks, I have to deal with CANCER, my health insurance is going to end soon. I just don't. know. where. to. start.

So, this is it. The beginning of the end. This is why I haven't been around much. My orders from Etsy are piling up. I can't stop crying. Why did it end up like this? How come I got the shit end of the stick again?

I am going to try to be strong, but it's hard. I don't even feel like a real person. One day I will be ok.



Sarah said...

I just wanted to offer you some **hugs** You have a beautiful little guy that the divorce will, from the sounds of things, benefit in the end..think of how much better things will be when he doesn't have to witness all the anger. I know it's not easy, but I just wanted to give a bit of support and a few *hugs* to you and your little man!

Mamma Pie said...

Oh Jesica my heart breaks for you. I wish I could do more to help, but let me say this. You are amazing, you are strong, you are a beautiful woman and mamma. And it is OK to take care of yourself, to let things pile up and take care of YOU and your boy.
I still haven't sent you money but I will.

Mitzi G.!! said...

I am so sorry that you ar egoing through such a.....I don't even know the word to describe it BUT you are strong & you will survive this!! You and Elijah are in my thoughts & prayers!!

Winkydinks said...

Sending positive thoughts your way. Getting out and taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do. It will be hard, but it will be worth it.

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