8 days left.

The past couple of days have been really emotional for me. I've just about reached the end of my rope. I am convinced that this baby is never going to come. I had my 2nd membrane sweep yesterday and nothing so far.
I was doing so good not thinking about the whole cancer thing, and then I get a painful bump on the back of my neck and of course the first thing I think is that it's a swollen lymph node, and then the whole cascade begins and I start freaking out. I am going to make an appointment with the PCP so I can get generally checked out. Besides just making sure I am ok and not dying yet, I want to get my titers checked, and I also want to get an allergy test to see exactly what bothers me.
I have been crying once a day now. I am just so ready for this to be over.
Not only do I want to meet my baby, find out if there's cancer anywhere else, and just not be pregnant in general, I also want to not be in so much pain anymore. It takes me 5 minutes to get out of bed, 5 minutes to walk to the bathroom, and 5 minutes to walk back. My pubic area is in so much pain, so sore. I can only assume it's because baby's head is engaged. My entire body is sore. My legs, my back, my neck, my arms, my feet. I feel like I got hit by a car in the past few days. Everything is slowly unraveling.
I feel like my house is not ready for this new person, but there's not much that I can really do about it. I have no energy to finish cleaning, and my body won't allow me to be mobile for long periods of time. I wish I could just hire a maid for a few hours.

I miss the carelessness that I once knew. When the only thing to worry about was stuff like where was I going to move to or how much money I could spend while out. I am really excited for the upcoming events, but I am also scared. I'm scared of the things that are out of my control.

1 comment:

Liz said...

oh mama! i have been there three times now, and all i can say is i feel your pain, and your baby will come i promise! do you have any way to do something fun for yourself like a massage? you just need to be pampered in these last LONG days...I hope he/she comes quickly and smoothly!

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