I think every mother, single or not, has thought this at least once, if not multiple times in their life. The past couple of days have been pretty hard for me. It's just a period of time where I'm stressed out about pressing issues such as money and my health and there are certain factors (or people) who are making my stress level go through the roof.
I feel stuck. I've been looking for a job for the past few months, although not aggressively looking until about a month ago. I've made it a point to send out at least 5 resumes per day. I think I'm just feeling discouraged because I haven't gotten any call backs yet. I'm not being picky at all because, well, I need to work. Not only is not getting any interviews stressful, but I think about what's going to happen if I get hired and they want me to start immediately? Elijah is not in day care, and in order to get him into day care his dad is going to have to foot the bill at first until I make some money. It just feels like it's going to be impossible to set him up in day care and start working in the quick time frame that I am going to need it to happen.
My next serious stressor of course has to do with my health. I still don't have health insurance and I can't forsee that changing in the near future. I have an oncologist appointment coming up and I have to have him look over all of my moles since I can't afford to go to a dermatologist, and I am freaked out. I have a small spot on my shoulder that I think is new, and it looks abnormal to me. I need to remain positive and think that if they do catch something that it will be caught super early and I won't have to go through all that crap that I went through before.
I'd like to end my rant on a positive note and say that my son is my rock. When I'm having a bad day, or week, he can tell, and he's the sweetest little boy ever. He constantly tries to cheer me up (and it works!) by giving me lots of extra hugs or kisses, and trying to share things with me (included, but not limited to, his food or drink). I don't know what I'd do without him.